i know what its like

i know what its like to date someone and not get along with any of his friends.
i know what its like to date someone and get along with all his friends.
i know what its like to sleep with someone while thinking of someone else.
i know what its like to sleep with someone and not able to think of anything else.
i know what its like to have the perfect boyfriend who isnt actually my boyfriend.
i know what its like to have the perfect monster actually be my boyfriend.
i know what its like to love someone long distance and not see him for months at a time.
i know what its like to love someone down the street and end up seeing him all of the time.
i know what its like to dump someone who didnt deserve it, who deserves so much better.
i know what its like to be dumped by someone when i didnt deserve it.
i know what its like to laugh, cry, curl my toes and smile when making love.
i know what its like to feel guilt and pleasure and pain simultaneously.
i know what its like to hate the person youre with and to be hated by the person you love.
i know what its like to be with every type of man except the one im going to be with.
i dont know what itd be like to have a boyfriend who loved me when i loved him. whose friends i would absolutely adore and lived so close i could hop over just for dinner.  where no one would be dumped or broken or deserving of more. someone who when we make love all i feel is pleasure and passion and ecstasy, and all i can think of is being in that moment with him.  i dont know what any of that feels like...ill bet that it would be absolutely amazing.