Is it just me, or lately has life just been ridiculously extra hard? I mean, I don't think I have ever wished for LESS options in my life than right now. Currently on the cusp of graduating college with a Bachelor's, I find myself wondering what lies ahead. I suppose people would tell me," It's great to have that many choices because then you can do whatever you want!" but really I just want to know what to do. Never have I ever faced so much uncertainty in regards to the future and I think it is honestly taking a toll on my health. Should I go to graduate school? Medical school? Are my grades good enough? Am I good enough? Am I ready to go straight to work if I don't do more schooling? What job would I do? I don't want a job I want a career, but really what would I be happy doing for the rest of my life? And not just satisfied doing but genuinely 'I enjoy getting up in the morning excited to go to work everyday' type happy. AND where the hell am I supposed to find time for love? Am I just going to scoot from man to man hoping that one day I'll be able to hold a relationship longer than a couple months or will I finally be whisked away to some magical place in the most absurdly romantic way possible? No, I bet I'll be the lady with a bunch of cats in an apartment somewhere in Chinatown. Or worse, I'll be the poor 50 year old woman swiping cards at Clubsport wondering why I am doing a job that high-schooler should be doing. All in all I'd have to say that life is throwing way to many balls my way and I do not have the mental capacity to be able to handle them all. (yes i know bad choice of words but you get the analogy).
And as far as stress level goes, mine is through the roof. I'm lashing out at almost everyone right now because of the instability in my own world, and the crumbling pressure of a society that is constantly leaving people behind (esp. right now, thanks Bush). No worries, I'm not suicidal, BUT I am near breaking point for a nervous breakdown. And thus, to continue with my rapid disconnected thoughts, I have decided to start blogging in order to get my thoughts out on paper (or broken computer screen) because I hope that someone out there is feeling the same way I am. On that note, I would like to end this mess of word vomit with the opportunity for readers (if there are any) to comment to this post with your thoughts and ideas or to propose another question. Think of it as not only my blog but almost as your blog as well. (and I say almost because technically I'm the only one that can post blog entries BUT that is a trivial matter). With that, I leave the floor open to you (and I use 'you' as a general pronoun to address everyone and anyone that has something on their mind they would like my opinion on, and believe me I have plenty).
Live ur Life,
Victoria Niles
