you know its a weird feeling, betrayal. some horrid mix of anguish, pain, relief, guilt, and satisfaction. i found out today someone im seeing slept with one of my friends. i am thankful it is not someone whom im seeing seriously and not one of my closer friends. but i imagine the feeling would be along the same lines just infinitely more intense directly correlating to the proximity of the friendship. and he can justify it any way she likes and she can tell herself that we werent serious so its ok, but in the end what they did was morally wrong. sure, technically it isnt cheating since we're not in a relationship. sure, she technically isnt a home wrecker because she knew that we were just casually dating. so sure, on paper it all doesnt seem so bad right? the fact of the matter is he knew it would hurt my feelings if he did it and he did. she knew that i liked him and she did. do people not understand the consequences of their actions anymore? do people not get that sometimes when you do something to satisfy your own selfish desires you are in fact really hurting somebody else? or do people just not care. are there really individuals out there men and women alike, who will hurt anyone and anything to have one lousy lay?
he asked me if i wanted to get dinner yesterday. i just wanted to pick up my key but i figured i hadnt seen him in a while so what the heck. i walk in to use the bathroom and when i came out he went to use it. as i looked around i noticed that there was no sleeping pad on the floor and that the bed was completely disheveled. two pillows stacked on the right and one pillow on the left. and i saw it, in a flash, him sleeping on the right with his crotch against her ass on the left. i shuddered. he said he didnt want to sleep with her. he said he had no intention. otherwise i wouldve never let her crash at my house, or taken her out to a club, or done her hair for God's sake. before i can process what is happening she walks in the front door. gives me a big hug, says its great to see me. i hesitate slightly but brush it off. i was tired. i was hungry. i invited her to dinner and he told me he didnt know she was invited. that shouldve been my first confirmation. for the 2 weeks she's been here he always invited both of us out to dinner. she asks if id like her to come. i say yes of course. she obliges. we come home from dinner and give her a hug. i give him a hug. did i kiss him? i cant remember. i jump in my car and go home exhausted and think nothing of it.
he texted me this morning. wanna hang out today? and it hits me like a shit ton of bricks. hang out? to him hanging out means having sex. we never hang out, we only have sex. he has no interest in my mind, my spirit, my soul he only cares about sex. and like a flash all the evidence comes pouring in. i call him and ask him point blank. did u sleep with her? potentially, he says. ill take that as a yes. i start to cry. i cant help myself. i was in a state of shock, believable shock. he said he didnt know it would hurt me. really. so if i stab you in the face and you're scarred for life can i tell a judge i didnt know it would hurt you? think that defense would fly? i proceed to tell him its not the act itself that makes me mad, after all we are not exclusive and i have also slept with other people. it was the fact he lied to me and didnt have the common courtesy or respect to at least clean up after himself. it would be like if he walked into my bedroom and saw a used condom on the floor and i was like oh im sorry, i didnt realize that would make you uncomfortable. i sent her a message too saying that i trusted her, i brought her into my home, and she goes behind my back and sleeps with the guy she knows im dating because she has SEEN us sleep together..i mean come on what kind of sad, sick, demented girl can watch her friend snuggling with her guy and hop right into it the moment she leaves.
part of me hopes to hear from them. i want to hear them ask, no beg for forgiveness. to recognize that what they did was mean, selfish, hurtful, hateful even. but i know i wont. if i do hear from them itll be them continuing to justify theyre actions with, but you said i could, and i didnt know, and it wasnt that serious. i know the best thing would be to never hear from them again. people dont change at their core. their fundamental values of what they perceive as right and wrong are drilled into them at an early age. in fact most people dont even need to be told that hurting your friends or taking their things is bad. it would be one thing if they felt bad for what they did. mistakes happen, i get that. but i genuinely believe they both knew exactly what they were doing. and i genuinely believe that i didnt cross their minds one time when they proceeded to stab me in the back. so thanks friends, you're the best. you're certainly made for each other.
he asked me if i wanted to get dinner yesterday. i just wanted to pick up my key but i figured i hadnt seen him in a while so what the heck. i walk in to use the bathroom and when i came out he went to use it. as i looked around i noticed that there was no sleeping pad on the floor and that the bed was completely disheveled. two pillows stacked on the right and one pillow on the left. and i saw it, in a flash, him sleeping on the right with his crotch against her ass on the left. i shuddered. he said he didnt want to sleep with her. he said he had no intention. otherwise i wouldve never let her crash at my house, or taken her out to a club, or done her hair for God's sake. before i can process what is happening she walks in the front door. gives me a big hug, says its great to see me. i hesitate slightly but brush it off. i was tired. i was hungry. i invited her to dinner and he told me he didnt know she was invited. that shouldve been my first confirmation. for the 2 weeks she's been here he always invited both of us out to dinner. she asks if id like her to come. i say yes of course. she obliges. we come home from dinner and give her a hug. i give him a hug. did i kiss him? i cant remember. i jump in my car and go home exhausted and think nothing of it.
he texted me this morning. wanna hang out today? and it hits me like a shit ton of bricks. hang out? to him hanging out means having sex. we never hang out, we only have sex. he has no interest in my mind, my spirit, my soul he only cares about sex. and like a flash all the evidence comes pouring in. i call him and ask him point blank. did u sleep with her? potentially, he says. ill take that as a yes. i start to cry. i cant help myself. i was in a state of shock, believable shock. he said he didnt know it would hurt me. really. so if i stab you in the face and you're scarred for life can i tell a judge i didnt know it would hurt you? think that defense would fly? i proceed to tell him its not the act itself that makes me mad, after all we are not exclusive and i have also slept with other people. it was the fact he lied to me and didnt have the common courtesy or respect to at least clean up after himself. it would be like if he walked into my bedroom and saw a used condom on the floor and i was like oh im sorry, i didnt realize that would make you uncomfortable. i sent her a message too saying that i trusted her, i brought her into my home, and she goes behind my back and sleeps with the guy she knows im dating because she has SEEN us sleep together..i mean come on what kind of sad, sick, demented girl can watch her friend snuggling with her guy and hop right into it the moment she leaves.
part of me hopes to hear from them. i want to hear them ask, no beg for forgiveness. to recognize that what they did was mean, selfish, hurtful, hateful even. but i know i wont. if i do hear from them itll be them continuing to justify theyre actions with, but you said i could, and i didnt know, and it wasnt that serious. i know the best thing would be to never hear from them again. people dont change at their core. their fundamental values of what they perceive as right and wrong are drilled into them at an early age. in fact most people dont even need to be told that hurting your friends or taking their things is bad. it would be one thing if they felt bad for what they did. mistakes happen, i get that. but i genuinely believe they both knew exactly what they were doing. and i genuinely believe that i didnt cross their minds one time when they proceeded to stab me in the back. so thanks friends, you're the best. you're certainly made for each other.
