Dear Future Husband,
Let me first start by saying that I love you. I don't know who you are yet but I know for a fact that I love you. For better or worse, for richer or poorer, for all of your highs and lows, triumphs and defeats. I will always love you unconditionally. I will treat you with respect and dignity and generosity. I will always have the best intentions and will never maliciously attack or hurt you. I promise to try my very best each and every day to make our lives as beautiful as I imagine it could be and I will never stop trying. But here comes the hard truth....I am human.
This means sometimes I get mood swings and pouty. Sometimes I'll get sad for no reason. Could be I remembered some horrible memory from childhood, could be I just saw a sad puppy video. Sometimes I'll want to talk incessantly, but sometimes (although more rarely) i'll just want to sit in my misery because it's the only way i know how to process it. Sometimes I'll get mad at you for doing some dumb ass shit and I'll react inappropriately or immaturely. I will regret it immediately, but the damage is already done. Sometimes I will be hangry, or homonal, or just having a shitty day at work. Sometimes I dont know what the fuck im doing im just trying to get through life. I will make mistakes and have defeats and things may not turn out exactly as I wanted. The take away here is that I'm not perfect. I never will be no matter how hard I try and that is ok. What makes you my future husband versus any other man on this planet is that you will love and accept me for all of my strengths and weaknesses.
I will need you to forgive my mistakes, accept my apologies, hug me when im sad, enthusiastically celebrate when i triumph. Revel in my glory and grumble in my defeats. I need to know that you always have my back and that you will always be there for me no matter what happens. I need to know you love me unconditionally as I love you. I need to know that I am good enough, that me, just me in all my misshapen glory, am good enough.
I grew up with a mother who never thought i was good enough. Most likely it's because she thought she was never good enough and that was because her mother thought she was never good enough. The cycle continues. I am working hard everyday to love and accept myself. To know that I am wonderful and vivacious and worth loving and having. I am learning at a slow and steady pace to unconditionally love myself. To forgive my weakness, to love my flaws, and to accept my limitations. I was raised to be the best version of myself, which in my mother's eyes is practically perfect in every way. However, I am not. I never will be. That is ok. But as I am here learning to love and accept myself for who I am, I need a man who will also love and accept me rather than undermine my progress by feeding doubt into my mind.
For example, I fucked up today. I over reacted to something that you said that was mean. Sure what you said was mean and uncalled for, but what I said was equally uncalled for and arguably more mean. I wanted to hurt you because you had hurt me and in that moment I just went with my gut and not my brain and I regretted it immediately. I called you to apologize and you ignored my call. When you ignore someone you are essentially telling them that they do not deserve the opportunity to fix what they have broken. They are so unworthy or your time and energy that you cannot even bring yourself to passively listen to their sad, pathetic attempt to right the wrong they have done. So when you send that call to voicemail thinking, I don't want to talk to her right now, what you're really saying is YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO ME. Just because you have nothing to say does not mean I have nothing to say. You could just passively listen. My future husband cannot have this reaction. I wouldn't. I always give people the chance to apologize. I know how hard it is to say you're wrong and how much it hurts when the other party says, I don't care that you're trying to make this better it WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH so stop fucking trying. I got this from my mom everyday of my life for everything I have ever tried to do. It hurts, it conditions you to hate yourself and to think you only have one shot to do everything and if you fuck it up there is no going back you are just a fucking loser. That is a lot of pressure to put on yourself. I am already battling this shit on my own I do not need you to put even more pressure on me to be perfect.
In conclusion, my future darling, I love you. More importantly, I forgive you. Even if you don't forgive me, I still forgive you. Because I can't carry around this burden that I am just not good enough. I cannot carry this pressure that no matter what I do you will only love me under the specific circumstances that you would like to love me under. How am I supposed to fit that mold? How is anyone supposed to fit that mold? It's simply not fair or feasible and I would never do that to you, so I expect you not to do that to me. I am not perfect. I am human. I am angry and frustrated that you are mad at me for being me.
I AM FUCKING FABULOUS AND IF YOU DON'T SEE THAT THEN YOU DON'T DESERVE MY LOVE....WHICH IS FREAKING LOVELY!
Sincerely,
Victoria Niles
Let me first start by saying that I love you. I don't know who you are yet but I know for a fact that I love you. For better or worse, for richer or poorer, for all of your highs and lows, triumphs and defeats. I will always love you unconditionally. I will treat you with respect and dignity and generosity. I will always have the best intentions and will never maliciously attack or hurt you. I promise to try my very best each and every day to make our lives as beautiful as I imagine it could be and I will never stop trying. But here comes the hard truth....I am human.
This means sometimes I get mood swings and pouty. Sometimes I'll get sad for no reason. Could be I remembered some horrible memory from childhood, could be I just saw a sad puppy video. Sometimes I'll want to talk incessantly, but sometimes (although more rarely) i'll just want to sit in my misery because it's the only way i know how to process it. Sometimes I'll get mad at you for doing some dumb ass shit and I'll react inappropriately or immaturely. I will regret it immediately, but the damage is already done. Sometimes I will be hangry, or homonal, or just having a shitty day at work. Sometimes I dont know what the fuck im doing im just trying to get through life. I will make mistakes and have defeats and things may not turn out exactly as I wanted. The take away here is that I'm not perfect. I never will be no matter how hard I try and that is ok. What makes you my future husband versus any other man on this planet is that you will love and accept me for all of my strengths and weaknesses.
I will need you to forgive my mistakes, accept my apologies, hug me when im sad, enthusiastically celebrate when i triumph. Revel in my glory and grumble in my defeats. I need to know that you always have my back and that you will always be there for me no matter what happens. I need to know you love me unconditionally as I love you. I need to know that I am good enough, that me, just me in all my misshapen glory, am good enough.
I grew up with a mother who never thought i was good enough. Most likely it's because she thought she was never good enough and that was because her mother thought she was never good enough. The cycle continues. I am working hard everyday to love and accept myself. To know that I am wonderful and vivacious and worth loving and having. I am learning at a slow and steady pace to unconditionally love myself. To forgive my weakness, to love my flaws, and to accept my limitations. I was raised to be the best version of myself, which in my mother's eyes is practically perfect in every way. However, I am not. I never will be. That is ok. But as I am here learning to love and accept myself for who I am, I need a man who will also love and accept me rather than undermine my progress by feeding doubt into my mind.
For example, I fucked up today. I over reacted to something that you said that was mean. Sure what you said was mean and uncalled for, but what I said was equally uncalled for and arguably more mean. I wanted to hurt you because you had hurt me and in that moment I just went with my gut and not my brain and I regretted it immediately. I called you to apologize and you ignored my call. When you ignore someone you are essentially telling them that they do not deserve the opportunity to fix what they have broken. They are so unworthy or your time and energy that you cannot even bring yourself to passively listen to their sad, pathetic attempt to right the wrong they have done. So when you send that call to voicemail thinking, I don't want to talk to her right now, what you're really saying is YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO ME. Just because you have nothing to say does not mean I have nothing to say. You could just passively listen. My future husband cannot have this reaction. I wouldn't. I always give people the chance to apologize. I know how hard it is to say you're wrong and how much it hurts when the other party says, I don't care that you're trying to make this better it WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH so stop fucking trying. I got this from my mom everyday of my life for everything I have ever tried to do. It hurts, it conditions you to hate yourself and to think you only have one shot to do everything and if you fuck it up there is no going back you are just a fucking loser. That is a lot of pressure to put on yourself. I am already battling this shit on my own I do not need you to put even more pressure on me to be perfect.
In conclusion, my future darling, I love you. More importantly, I forgive you. Even if you don't forgive me, I still forgive you. Because I can't carry around this burden that I am just not good enough. I cannot carry this pressure that no matter what I do you will only love me under the specific circumstances that you would like to love me under. How am I supposed to fit that mold? How is anyone supposed to fit that mold? It's simply not fair or feasible and I would never do that to you, so I expect you not to do that to me. I am not perfect. I am human. I am angry and frustrated that you are mad at me for being me.
I AM FUCKING FABULOUS AND IF YOU DON'T SEE THAT THEN YOU DON'T DESERVE MY LOVE....WHICH IS FREAKING LOVELY!
Sincerely,
Victoria Niles
