There's a new year coming around the corner which of course causes me to pause and reflect upon 2013. what a crazy crazy year. Many things happened this year that I would like to remember, many that i would like to forget. Let's start at the beginning shall we?
January: I started dating again. My last, last ex and I broke up in October and I spent a good majority of the rest of 2012 trying to piece my life together again. I also booked my flight to Europe. I decided that 2013 was the year for getting shit done. In January I signed up for OK cupid and started dating again. Nothing big at first, just a few dates like coffee or a walk with a few guys. This number slowly dwindled down to two, J and K. They were complete opposites. One was sweet and caring, thoughtful, innocent, naive. The other was a total player and womanizer and honestly I'm not entirely sure why I dated him but there you have it. A good boy and a bad boy.
February: Good Boy K took me out for valentine's day to this bar/restaurant in lil tokyo. it was actually quite lovely. Bad Boy J asked me to be his girlfriend, I said no. Said I wasn't ready for a relationship blah blah blah. I don't really remember anything significant happening in February other than the progression of life. Also obsessively reading books and planning my Europe trip. and by planning I mean trying to decided between which awesome place and which stupendous place i wanted to see.
March: O V why, why must you do this to yourself. This was the month that I dumped good boy k. not sure why i did it. i met his friends for the first time and they were all wonderful ppl. just really good people for a really good boy. i honestly think its cause the sex was bad. or maybe it was because he was too innocent and pure for someone as fucked up as me to ruin. but i guess i already did that..brava v brava. This was also the month the bad boy j went to thailand. we skyped while he was over there and i thought i really liked him. mind u this was after he decided he wanted to dump me cause i didnt give him enough blow jobs and i told him to go fuck himself and then he called me back a few days later saying sorry and that he really liked me. why do i always fall for that shit. anyway made a mistake, dumped good boy and stuck with bad boy..classic.
April: hahahha this is the month that my last last ex and i started talking again. he basically came to me said he was sorry for how things ended and that i was right and that we should be friends. i was cautious at first but turns out he is one of my good friends. guess when u spend that much time with someone its hard not to know them. this was also the month right before europe..so i spent almost every waking and sleeping moment thinking about my adventures. i was restless, excited, i could barely keep my composure at work. i was just soo soo incredibly happy to be leaving the country it seemed that all other problems atm were just so trivial.
May: I went to Europe!!! yes for the whole month of may I went to europe. started with my sister's graduation which was epic. dude private school campus is like freaking gorgeous. im so proud of her and all the things she's accomplished, cannot wait til she finished her master's program and starts saving the world. Then I flew to Barcelona. It was cold and wet and beautiful. I landed, got on a bus, found my hostel, map in hand and set off on the biggest adventure of my lifetime. there were times i got horribly lost, thought i was gonna die, didn't have anywhere to sleep, traveled back in time, had a whirl wind romance, touched history, witnessed kindness beyond anything i can explain, and felt kissed by the world. It was the most amazing experience and though I will travel in the future I will most likely never get to experience again. After all, nothing is like your first.
June: I came home all full of zest from my recent journey and everything was wonderful. I was literally living on a life high and I felt like NOTHING was gonna get me down!! I soon started to lose interest in bad boy j cause, well, he's a bad boy and esp after a couchsurfer moved in with him for 2 months. long story short her and i became friends, went clubbing together, she crashed at my place, took care of my turtles. then he decided to fuck her. so i dumped him, dumped her, was like fuck this shit and went back on ok cupid. i swear that site is addicting.
July: on of my childhood friends got married!!! it was part of the fourth of july weekend that i spent in norcal, wedding, bbq-ing, shenanigans. It was awesome seeing all those old friends again and reconnecting. i was still riding high from my eurotrip and recent shedding of horrible bad boy and i rekindled a weird kinda flame with a friend from high school. anyways, turns how he was moving to michigan and so we decided to talk and skype while he was in france and stuff and we started talking like...a lot. July 27, 2013 was also the first time I met my most recent ex, D. I wasn't expecting much honestly but turns out he surprised me, he was magnificent. and now i had a tough choice to make.
August: I realize now that most of my blog is made up of me and my boys. Let's get one thing straight. I have lots of exciting things that happen on a day to day basis with my friends and my adventures. But these are with people that aren't going anywhere. The boys in my life are the only ephemeral part. Everything else, the friends, the family, the parties they all stay the same so there's not much to blog about. I know what to expect from them and they know what to expect from me. And i love them and I will always love them and i hope they don't show up in this blog because that means something significant has changed in our relationship. anyway august i started dating D. I went on a vegas trip with my high school friend that turned into a giant fiasco that I will not get into the details of here but basically he hates me now. I did not know that at the time so I was happily fallin in love with D. We went everywhere, disnelyand, magic castle, the body exhibit, we had date after date. he told me the most wonderful things. that i was amazing, that he was smitten, that i was the most interesting girl he's ever dated. so many wonderful things. i though wow...my life is finally turning around. random eurotrip, great job, great condo, finally healthy again...AND a wonderful guy...well paint me pink and call me silly cause i was HAPPY.
September: September was a lot like august. it was a little hard because D decided that instead of taking 3 classes he wanted to take 5 and start a full time job. great for him, he needed it, he would be wonderful at it, i warned him that i was worried our relationship would suffer...and it did. no more dates, no more wonderful days spent in the sun, just tired. always tired. and i tried, i really did try to be ok with it...but seeing him made me so happy...and i began to feel like he didnt want to see me, which made me start to panic.
October: HALLOWEEN!!! the kick off to a seemingly wonderful holiday season! for halloween D and I met up with my friends from Norcal for ghost ship, my first rave. it was awesome. and cold...sf is cold...i went as leeloo and he went as korbin dallas. we were such a hit at the party it was fantastic. he said "something clicked while we were in norcal." not sure what he meant but im pretty sure it clicked off. anyway friends from norcal also came down to go to mickey's halloween party with me. D couldn't make it cause he had class. that should've been my first clue. he would never turn down disneyland for class....he just didnt want to hang with me all night. fine whatever, i had a blast. we went as tigger, pooh, and eeyore. it was awesome, i did my face all up in make up and one of the kids asked for my autograph though i couldnt give it to her. so innocent, so happy, not knowing. oct 31 halloween night socal friends and D and I went to weho. D and i had our biggest fight yet. he went home. i was alone...and the rest is an all too familiar story.
November: my birthday and turkey day. november is a weird month for me. many many times i have had wonderful birthdays and many many times i have had horrible ones. this year on my birthday i found out that D, my seemingly perfect boyfriend, is a pothead. i found out because he was in the middle of sorting out a drug deal for pot during my birthday dinner. and maybe its not as bad as it sounds but thats what it sounded like to me. a few days later i went to vegas because i was so upset over the fact that he didnt invite me to his friends birthday party even though it was a totally casual party that anyone couldve gone to. that shouldve been my second clue. hello v, if he doesnt want u around his friends he doesnt want u...doi. anyway went to vegas, came home, had a fight about weather...literally weather...wtf...next day he came over to talk..he dumped me. in a mad desperate scramble i switched my turkey day plans to hanging with my girlfriends instead of spending it with D because..well because he dumped me.
December: this month is almost over..most of it involved a lot of drinking a lot of crying and a lot of me trying to get out of the house so as to prevent all the crying. I feel lost right now. I had so much fervor at the beginning of the year and i had that eurotrip to sustain my thirst for adventure. now...well i dunno now all i want is my old life back . there were many things he said to me that i dare not repeat but that id like to forget. id like to think he said them in anger and that he didnt mean it but im sure he did. it makes me question all the happy times we had..were they real? or was he just really annoyed? i dunno. im sick right now, trying to get better before the new year. taking it easy today, then cleaning and prepping tomorrow for the big night. D and I are still talking, we're friends according to him. everyday i still cry, though not for as long anymore. im not sure how long we can stay friends, or how long itll take for me to pull out of this rut. im already planning a million trips in 2014 to norcal, new york, boston and another big one im hoping in september. im trying to grab a couple new licenses, maybe go back to school, and getting a new job at a better facility.
im hoping this next year will be exciting. im hoping i will learn more about myself and more about the people around me. i have a pretty firm sense in who is there for me and who isnt and i know who to put my trust int. i am hoping that in 2014 i will finally find love that will last because heart break is just exhausting. a fortune teller once told me that 2013 would be chaos. drinking and chaos. he was right...i can only hope 2014 will be just as exciting...but hopefully without the whole broken heart thing...yea
January: I started dating again. My last, last ex and I broke up in October and I spent a good majority of the rest of 2012 trying to piece my life together again. I also booked my flight to Europe. I decided that 2013 was the year for getting shit done. In January I signed up for OK cupid and started dating again. Nothing big at first, just a few dates like coffee or a walk with a few guys. This number slowly dwindled down to two, J and K. They were complete opposites. One was sweet and caring, thoughtful, innocent, naive. The other was a total player and womanizer and honestly I'm not entirely sure why I dated him but there you have it. A good boy and a bad boy.
February: Good Boy K took me out for valentine's day to this bar/restaurant in lil tokyo. it was actually quite lovely. Bad Boy J asked me to be his girlfriend, I said no. Said I wasn't ready for a relationship blah blah blah. I don't really remember anything significant happening in February other than the progression of life. Also obsessively reading books and planning my Europe trip. and by planning I mean trying to decided between which awesome place and which stupendous place i wanted to see.
March: O V why, why must you do this to yourself. This was the month that I dumped good boy k. not sure why i did it. i met his friends for the first time and they were all wonderful ppl. just really good people for a really good boy. i honestly think its cause the sex was bad. or maybe it was because he was too innocent and pure for someone as fucked up as me to ruin. but i guess i already did that..brava v brava. This was also the month the bad boy j went to thailand. we skyped while he was over there and i thought i really liked him. mind u this was after he decided he wanted to dump me cause i didnt give him enough blow jobs and i told him to go fuck himself and then he called me back a few days later saying sorry and that he really liked me. why do i always fall for that shit. anyway made a mistake, dumped good boy and stuck with bad boy..classic.
April: hahahha this is the month that my last last ex and i started talking again. he basically came to me said he was sorry for how things ended and that i was right and that we should be friends. i was cautious at first but turns out he is one of my good friends. guess when u spend that much time with someone its hard not to know them. this was also the month right before europe..so i spent almost every waking and sleeping moment thinking about my adventures. i was restless, excited, i could barely keep my composure at work. i was just soo soo incredibly happy to be leaving the country it seemed that all other problems atm were just so trivial.
May: I went to Europe!!! yes for the whole month of may I went to europe. started with my sister's graduation which was epic. dude private school campus is like freaking gorgeous. im so proud of her and all the things she's accomplished, cannot wait til she finished her master's program and starts saving the world. Then I flew to Barcelona. It was cold and wet and beautiful. I landed, got on a bus, found my hostel, map in hand and set off on the biggest adventure of my lifetime. there were times i got horribly lost, thought i was gonna die, didn't have anywhere to sleep, traveled back in time, had a whirl wind romance, touched history, witnessed kindness beyond anything i can explain, and felt kissed by the world. It was the most amazing experience and though I will travel in the future I will most likely never get to experience again. After all, nothing is like your first.
June: I came home all full of zest from my recent journey and everything was wonderful. I was literally living on a life high and I felt like NOTHING was gonna get me down!! I soon started to lose interest in bad boy j cause, well, he's a bad boy and esp after a couchsurfer moved in with him for 2 months. long story short her and i became friends, went clubbing together, she crashed at my place, took care of my turtles. then he decided to fuck her. so i dumped him, dumped her, was like fuck this shit and went back on ok cupid. i swear that site is addicting.
July: on of my childhood friends got married!!! it was part of the fourth of july weekend that i spent in norcal, wedding, bbq-ing, shenanigans. It was awesome seeing all those old friends again and reconnecting. i was still riding high from my eurotrip and recent shedding of horrible bad boy and i rekindled a weird kinda flame with a friend from high school. anyways, turns how he was moving to michigan and so we decided to talk and skype while he was in france and stuff and we started talking like...a lot. July 27, 2013 was also the first time I met my most recent ex, D. I wasn't expecting much honestly but turns out he surprised me, he was magnificent. and now i had a tough choice to make.
August: I realize now that most of my blog is made up of me and my boys. Let's get one thing straight. I have lots of exciting things that happen on a day to day basis with my friends and my adventures. But these are with people that aren't going anywhere. The boys in my life are the only ephemeral part. Everything else, the friends, the family, the parties they all stay the same so there's not much to blog about. I know what to expect from them and they know what to expect from me. And i love them and I will always love them and i hope they don't show up in this blog because that means something significant has changed in our relationship. anyway august i started dating D. I went on a vegas trip with my high school friend that turned into a giant fiasco that I will not get into the details of here but basically he hates me now. I did not know that at the time so I was happily fallin in love with D. We went everywhere, disnelyand, magic castle, the body exhibit, we had date after date. he told me the most wonderful things. that i was amazing, that he was smitten, that i was the most interesting girl he's ever dated. so many wonderful things. i though wow...my life is finally turning around. random eurotrip, great job, great condo, finally healthy again...AND a wonderful guy...well paint me pink and call me silly cause i was HAPPY.
September: September was a lot like august. it was a little hard because D decided that instead of taking 3 classes he wanted to take 5 and start a full time job. great for him, he needed it, he would be wonderful at it, i warned him that i was worried our relationship would suffer...and it did. no more dates, no more wonderful days spent in the sun, just tired. always tired. and i tried, i really did try to be ok with it...but seeing him made me so happy...and i began to feel like he didnt want to see me, which made me start to panic.
October: HALLOWEEN!!! the kick off to a seemingly wonderful holiday season! for halloween D and I met up with my friends from Norcal for ghost ship, my first rave. it was awesome. and cold...sf is cold...i went as leeloo and he went as korbin dallas. we were such a hit at the party it was fantastic. he said "something clicked while we were in norcal." not sure what he meant but im pretty sure it clicked off. anyway friends from norcal also came down to go to mickey's halloween party with me. D couldn't make it cause he had class. that should've been my first clue. he would never turn down disneyland for class....he just didnt want to hang with me all night. fine whatever, i had a blast. we went as tigger, pooh, and eeyore. it was awesome, i did my face all up in make up and one of the kids asked for my autograph though i couldnt give it to her. so innocent, so happy, not knowing. oct 31 halloween night socal friends and D and I went to weho. D and i had our biggest fight yet. he went home. i was alone...and the rest is an all too familiar story.
November: my birthday and turkey day. november is a weird month for me. many many times i have had wonderful birthdays and many many times i have had horrible ones. this year on my birthday i found out that D, my seemingly perfect boyfriend, is a pothead. i found out because he was in the middle of sorting out a drug deal for pot during my birthday dinner. and maybe its not as bad as it sounds but thats what it sounded like to me. a few days later i went to vegas because i was so upset over the fact that he didnt invite me to his friends birthday party even though it was a totally casual party that anyone couldve gone to. that shouldve been my second clue. hello v, if he doesnt want u around his friends he doesnt want u...doi. anyway went to vegas, came home, had a fight about weather...literally weather...wtf...next day he came over to talk..he dumped me. in a mad desperate scramble i switched my turkey day plans to hanging with my girlfriends instead of spending it with D because..well because he dumped me.
December: this month is almost over..most of it involved a lot of drinking a lot of crying and a lot of me trying to get out of the house so as to prevent all the crying. I feel lost right now. I had so much fervor at the beginning of the year and i had that eurotrip to sustain my thirst for adventure. now...well i dunno now all i want is my old life back . there were many things he said to me that i dare not repeat but that id like to forget. id like to think he said them in anger and that he didnt mean it but im sure he did. it makes me question all the happy times we had..were they real? or was he just really annoyed? i dunno. im sick right now, trying to get better before the new year. taking it easy today, then cleaning and prepping tomorrow for the big night. D and I are still talking, we're friends according to him. everyday i still cry, though not for as long anymore. im not sure how long we can stay friends, or how long itll take for me to pull out of this rut. im already planning a million trips in 2014 to norcal, new york, boston and another big one im hoping in september. im trying to grab a couple new licenses, maybe go back to school, and getting a new job at a better facility.
im hoping this next year will be exciting. im hoping i will learn more about myself and more about the people around me. i have a pretty firm sense in who is there for me and who isnt and i know who to put my trust int. i am hoping that in 2014 i will finally find love that will last because heart break is just exhausting. a fortune teller once told me that 2013 would be chaos. drinking and chaos. he was right...i can only hope 2014 will be just as exciting...but hopefully without the whole broken heart thing...yea
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