Whatever

I have so much I want to write and no clue how to word any of it.  I feel sad, mad, betrayed even? I don't know about betrayed.  No, that's probably not the right word.  I'm not sure how to describe what's going through my mind.  Flashbacks to previous relationships.  You know how there's a turning point where u know the relationship is going to end.  You never see it coming, it always seems to hit you from left field, and yet everytime you look back on a past relationship there it is plain as day.  I think my relationship is going to end.  I feel myself losing you every day.  I feel the romance has died, the passion is dwindling.  The excitement is less exciting.  I feel like any day now you may just waltz in here and say "you know, this isn't really working for me anymore" and I'll have nothing else to say but "ya, I know."  It starts with the fights.  Little fights that you just "get over" because your love for each other is so vast and great and wonderful.  Then the little fights grow up into raging teenage hormonal fights about how frustrating the other person is and "conflicting personal values." Then eventually the fighting stops and the dry spell starts.  One missed date turns into "oh we'll just do that later."  Later never comes. Long responses between texts turns into no response at all.  One missed call turns into two which turns into ten and before you know it you go days without speaking.  After all the separation and once everybody feels significantly emotionally detached comes the stand off.  Who is going to break up with who.  You care about the other person so you don't want to hurt their feelings.  At the same time you don't really want to drag it out either because it fucking sucks being aware of your impending doom.  *sigh* Whatever.