Dear Stan,
I've never posted names before because I like to keep certain things private. However, seeing as no one reads this blog and I feel this directly correlates to you, I'll start with "dear stan." First I would like to say that I love you. Not in the way that I loved my boyfriend's in the past. I'm not going to lie, I'm an emotional person and I tend to fall in love easily. Usually I love certain traits or qualities of a person and when the nuance of that ends I lose interest. Not going to lie, sometimes it's just lust. But you, I love you. I love you in a way that one loves their best friend. Sometimes you love them so much and you see them hurting themselves and you just want to shout out them "you could be so much more, why don't you see you the way I see you!" But that's just the thing isn't it. It doesn't matter how much I love you if you don't love you. I know you're going through a hard time right now with work and school and your property and probably a bunch of other things I don't know about because you're prideful. You once told me that you don't like to tell me your problems because you were taught in physical therapy to rely on yourself. Funny isn't it? You go to physical therapy to help you regain physical strength because you can't do it on your own and then they say do it on your own. But I'm not sure you grasp the meaning. This is not a lecture, you are doing nothing wrong, you're just doing it the hard way. Doing it completely on your own would be like trying to heal yourself after you broke your back. You needed surgeons, nurses, techs, therapists, all the tools and expertise of the people you specifically hired to make you better. Sure you could've just tried to let your back heal on it's own but honestly it would severely limit your range of motion. That's what I am. I am not here to tell you how to live your life or what you should do. I am here to support you and help you achieve the goals you wish to achieve. You wanna walk again? Let's make that happen. You wanna be a financial adviser? Let's make that happen. I love you in a way that I want you to succeed even if that means it's going to be tough and you're going to be unhappy until you achieve your goals. I love you so much that I want you to be happy even if that means I'm not in the picture. I am willing to sacrifice my own happiness to make yours happen. Call it crazy or whatever but it's how I feel. Right now you're mad at me. You've been mad at me a lot this last month. The weird thing is that we were doing really well before your birthday. I actually thought we were out of the dark times and our relationship was finally on the track I wished it to be on. Then the whole picture fiasco happened. Then meeting the parents fiasco. Then Colorado fiasco. Then the brother fiasco. Then the stomach flu fiasco. And now what I'll call the everyday fiasco. If I so much as express the smallest amount of "not esctatic-ness" I immediately get a "what's wrong with you" type expression. Dude, nothing's wrong with me. You are upset and therefore you are projecting that madness onto me, thinking that with every breath I take I'm somehow accusing you of being less than. The other day you did something that hurt my feelings. You spent all your energy trying to convince me that you did not do that thing that hurt my feelings that you forgot the most and only important thing. I WAS HURT! I was hurt when you didn't delete that picture. I was hurt when you didn't appreciate the sacrifice I had to make going to meet you parents. I was hurt when you got upset that I tried to put make up on and look pretty for you. I was hurt when yet again you did not want to have sex with me, like I'm a fucking leper. I was hurt when you told me randomly that I needed to "lay off you" when I was just taking pictures of the fucking mountains. I was hurt when you got mad that you had to take care of me when I was sick. I was hurt that you left me at the bar. I was hurt that you put in the most minimal passive effort to make sure I was safe. I was hurt when you told me to get the fuck out. I was hurt when I told you that I wanted to break up with you because I know that's a lie but I said it because I feel it is the only thing that I could've said to convey how hurt I was. And still, even with all of that, I am hurt that you are currently not talking to me. I am hurt that you are currently debating whether or not you still want to be with me. I am hurt that yet again I am questioning my value and worth because although I think I am a great girlfriend I don't seem to be appreciated. I am hurt that you are pushing me away because you're so stressed at work and with everything else that you are poisoning our relationship wtih your unhappiness. I am hurt that I am unable to make you happy. Mostly though, out of everything, I am hurt that you have hurt me and don't seem to acknowledge that you've hurt me. Even reading this now, I am sure that you are thinking of all the arguements that you could present to tell me that "that's not what you meant" or "you didn't say that" or "I'm not satisfied with the effort you put in and that's my problem." Why so focused on placing blame? Why so focused on who is right and who is wrong and combing through past texts to try and hash it out. Who the fuck cares. The biggest and most generous thing you can do for someone you love is to sacrifice your pride for the benefit of their emotions. I've apologized to friends before for things that I clearly did nothing wrong because the point is it doesn't matter if I thought I was right. My friend is in pain and for some reason they have decided to associate that pain with an action I did and that is enough reason for me to apologize to ease their pain and give them peace. Yo
I've never posted names before because I like to keep certain things private. However, seeing as no one reads this blog and I feel this directly correlates to you, I'll start with "dear stan." First I would like to say that I love you. Not in the way that I loved my boyfriend's in the past. I'm not going to lie, I'm an emotional person and I tend to fall in love easily. Usually I love certain traits or qualities of a person and when the nuance of that ends I lose interest. Not going to lie, sometimes it's just lust. But you, I love you. I love you in a way that one loves their best friend. Sometimes you love them so much and you see them hurting themselves and you just want to shout out them "you could be so much more, why don't you see you the way I see you!" But that's just the thing isn't it. It doesn't matter how much I love you if you don't love you. I know you're going through a hard time right now with work and school and your property and probably a bunch of other things I don't know about because you're prideful. You once told me that you don't like to tell me your problems because you were taught in physical therapy to rely on yourself. Funny isn't it? You go to physical therapy to help you regain physical strength because you can't do it on your own and then they say do it on your own. But I'm not sure you grasp the meaning. This is not a lecture, you are doing nothing wrong, you're just doing it the hard way. Doing it completely on your own would be like trying to heal yourself after you broke your back. You needed surgeons, nurses, techs, therapists, all the tools and expertise of the people you specifically hired to make you better. Sure you could've just tried to let your back heal on it's own but honestly it would severely limit your range of motion. That's what I am. I am not here to tell you how to live your life or what you should do. I am here to support you and help you achieve the goals you wish to achieve. You wanna walk again? Let's make that happen. You wanna be a financial adviser? Let's make that happen. I love you in a way that I want you to succeed even if that means it's going to be tough and you're going to be unhappy until you achieve your goals. I love you so much that I want you to be happy even if that means I'm not in the picture. I am willing to sacrifice my own happiness to make yours happen. Call it crazy or whatever but it's how I feel. Right now you're mad at me. You've been mad at me a lot this last month. The weird thing is that we were doing really well before your birthday. I actually thought we were out of the dark times and our relationship was finally on the track I wished it to be on. Then the whole picture fiasco happened. Then meeting the parents fiasco. Then Colorado fiasco. Then the brother fiasco. Then the stomach flu fiasco. And now what I'll call the everyday fiasco. If I so much as express the smallest amount of "not esctatic-ness" I immediately get a "what's wrong with you" type expression. Dude, nothing's wrong with me. You are upset and therefore you are projecting that madness onto me, thinking that with every breath I take I'm somehow accusing you of being less than. The other day you did something that hurt my feelings. You spent all your energy trying to convince me that you did not do that thing that hurt my feelings that you forgot the most and only important thing. I WAS HURT! I was hurt when you didn't delete that picture. I was hurt when you didn't appreciate the sacrifice I had to make going to meet you parents. I was hurt when you got upset that I tried to put make up on and look pretty for you. I was hurt when yet again you did not want to have sex with me, like I'm a fucking leper. I was hurt when you told me randomly that I needed to "lay off you" when I was just taking pictures of the fucking mountains. I was hurt when you got mad that you had to take care of me when I was sick. I was hurt that you left me at the bar. I was hurt that you put in the most minimal passive effort to make sure I was safe. I was hurt when you told me to get the fuck out. I was hurt when I told you that I wanted to break up with you because I know that's a lie but I said it because I feel it is the only thing that I could've said to convey how hurt I was. And still, even with all of that, I am hurt that you are currently not talking to me. I am hurt that you are currently debating whether or not you still want to be with me. I am hurt that yet again I am questioning my value and worth because although I think I am a great girlfriend I don't seem to be appreciated. I am hurt that you are pushing me away because you're so stressed at work and with everything else that you are poisoning our relationship wtih your unhappiness. I am hurt that I am unable to make you happy. Mostly though, out of everything, I am hurt that you have hurt me and don't seem to acknowledge that you've hurt me. Even reading this now, I am sure that you are thinking of all the arguements that you could present to tell me that "that's not what you meant" or "you didn't say that" or "I'm not satisfied with the effort you put in and that's my problem." Why so focused on placing blame? Why so focused on who is right and who is wrong and combing through past texts to try and hash it out. Who the fuck cares. The biggest and most generous thing you can do for someone you love is to sacrifice your pride for the benefit of their emotions. I've apologized to friends before for things that I clearly did nothing wrong because the point is it doesn't matter if I thought I was right. My friend is in pain and for some reason they have decided to associate that pain with an action I did and that is enough reason for me to apologize to ease their pain and give them peace. Yo
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