Something happened yesterday I never expected to.  I can't say I didnt see it coming since i have a fairly descent intuition, but it hurt way more than i thought it would.  you know that feeling when you're on one of those rides...say dropzone...it brings you up, up, up and you get this excited anxiety that almost makes you wanna throwup if it weren't for your skin you'd go flying in every direction.  its a build, anticipation. and in the moment you linger at the top you can barely contain yourself. then, in an instant, the world just drops out from under you. there's a feeling in your stomach like a kind of weightlessness. and once you hit bottom you say "wow that was crazy." but was it really? I mean you knew what happened on the ride before you got in line. you knew what was gonna happen when you were on your way up, even right before the fall you knew it was coming. so why, tell me why does it always seem like such a Fucking surprise? is it possible to fall for someone you never see? is it possible to be too loving, too sweet, too kind. is it possible the woman he thought you were isn' who you actually are? I never thought my best friend would ever think of new like that. as less than satisfactory. I thought he like me since we were kids. is it possible I got so hyped up in his mind that I was rather disappointing once he had me? I don't know what I did, I'm not sure if I'd do anything differently. all I know is the person I talk to about these things isn't there anymore. the person who always had my back I feel just stabbed it. the person who thought I was wonderful, doesn't think so much anymore. I feel like a huge disappointment. like "yea I rode that ride and it wasn't as fun as it looked." maybe it wasn't meant to be. but tell me. who do you trust when you can't trust your friend. who do you love if not your best friend. who will be by your side of not your twin.