its amazing all that money can bring. clothes, shoes, hanbags, trips of a lifetime and sometimes even companionship. when everything is dark it brings the light, and when times are hard it brings relief. money seems like the answer to all life's problems. to be able to have the whole world at your fingertips, to do what u want, buy what u want, and go wherever u want. these are all the joys that i thought money would bring me...and yet no amount of high heels or sun filled vacations can fill this void in my life.
i find myself sitting still alone in my car in the dark. the familiar taste of tears on my tongue and the smell of sadness, no despair, fill my nostrils forcing its way into my brain bringing back floods of memories and feelings i thought were long gone. money would get me my own space, money would get me the friends i never had, money would make my mother proud, money would make me someone ppl would want to be around. if only i had a great job and an awesome degree, then people would startpaying attention to me. if only i could walk around with a title and a paycheck then the stench of failure would wash away. that feeling of worthlessness, hopelessness, almost self loathing. why cant i be prettier, sweeter, smarter. why is my smile never white enough, my hair never blonde enough, my height never tall enough, and my weight just never enough.
despite the job and the money, im still living under my mother's iron fist. still when i look up, the people i love are not there, still when i wake up i feel suffocated by my expectations and being unable to meet them. somehow its like i never grew up, never progressed. i jumped the nest so excited to finally stretch my wings and fly away, away to a new land of possibilities, freedom, and utter ecstasy. i open my eyes and instead im plummeting head first toward the earth. the ground is approaching quickly, and with each passing day i feel the pressure of my impending doom looming before me. it wont be long now before the floor and i become bffs. time to catch some air viv, before its too late.
i find myself sitting still alone in my car in the dark. the familiar taste of tears on my tongue and the smell of sadness, no despair, fill my nostrils forcing its way into my brain bringing back floods of memories and feelings i thought were long gone. money would get me my own space, money would get me the friends i never had, money would make my mother proud, money would make me someone ppl would want to be around. if only i had a great job and an awesome degree, then people would startpaying attention to me. if only i could walk around with a title and a paycheck then the stench of failure would wash away. that feeling of worthlessness, hopelessness, almost self loathing. why cant i be prettier, sweeter, smarter. why is my smile never white enough, my hair never blonde enough, my height never tall enough, and my weight just never enough.
despite the job and the money, im still living under my mother's iron fist. still when i look up, the people i love are not there, still when i wake up i feel suffocated by my expectations and being unable to meet them. somehow its like i never grew up, never progressed. i jumped the nest so excited to finally stretch my wings and fly away, away to a new land of possibilities, freedom, and utter ecstasy. i open my eyes and instead im plummeting head first toward the earth. the ground is approaching quickly, and with each passing day i feel the pressure of my impending doom looming before me. it wont be long now before the floor and i become bffs. time to catch some air viv, before its too late.
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